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中国式婚姻的二十年危局:孩子大了

来源: 南方日报网络版     时间: 2019年03月22日 02:21:52
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(  对)(于)(大)(多)(数)(中)(国)(家)(庭)(来)(说)(,结)(婚)(20年)(的)(时)(候)(是)(一)(道)(坎)(:这)(个)(时)(候)(,孩)(子)(长)(大)(要)(出)(门)(上)(大)(学)(了)(;家)(里)(经)(济)(状)(况)(也)(已)(经)(稳)(定)(;可)(爱)(情)(早)(就)(被)(家)(庭)(琐)(事)(磨)(光)(了)(……这)(个)(时)(候)(,离)(还)(是)(不)(离)(,确)(实)(是)(一)(个)(问)(题)(。
  有)(人)(下)(定)(决)(心)(离)(了)(婚)(,有)(人)(却)(过)(着)(“好)(死)(不)(如)(赖)(活)(着)(”的)(亚)(婚)(姻)(生)(活)(,也)(有)(的)(家)(庭)(,和)(平)(分)(居)(。
  现)(代)(快)(报)(记)(者)(从)(南)(京)(市)(民)(政)(局)(拿)(到)(一)(组)(数)(据)(:今)(年)(1-5月)(,南)(京)(人)(的)(离)(婚)(平)(均)(年)(龄)(是)(38.4岁)(,其)(中)(男)(性)(平)(均)(是)(39.6岁)(,女)(性)(是)(37.2岁)(。再)(看)(离)(婚)(年)(龄)(段)(,40-49岁)(成)(为)(最)(危)(险)(年)(龄)(段)(。
  幸)(福)(的)(人)(都)(是)(一)(样)(的)(,不)(幸)(者)(则)(各)(有)(各)(的)(不)(幸)(,我)(们)(关)(注)(一)(个)(个)(离)(婚)(或)(者)(不)(离)(的)(家)(庭)(,只)(是)(想)(探)(究)(中)(国)(式)(婚)(姻)(的)(二)(十)(年)(危)(局)(背)(后)(的)(真)(相)(。
  现)(代)(快)(报)(记)(者)(徐)(岑)(项)(凤)(华)(刘)(静)(妍)(
  故)(
  事)(
  1
  懒)(得)(离)(婚)(,将)(就)(着)(过)(日)(子)(吧)(
  有)(房)(有)(车)(、全)(职)(太)(太)(、丈)(夫)(会)(赚)(钱)(、儿)(子)(又)(听)(话)(,在)(别)(人)(眼)(里)(,43岁)(的)(韩)(芳)((化)(名)()堪)(称)(人)(生)(赢)(家)(。但)(实)(际)(上)(,她)(已)(经)(很)(久)(没)(有)(见)(过)(老)(公)(了)(。
  “他)(比)(我)(大)(5岁)(,当)(年)(谈)(恋)(爱)(的)(时)(候)(,对)(我)(特)(别)(照)(顾)(,什)(么)(都)(迁)(就)(我)(。”在)(别)(人)(眼)(里)(,韩)(芳)(是)(一)(个)(开)(朗)(直)(率)(、性)(格)(很)(活)(泼)(的)(人)(。而)(她)(老)(公)(江)(新)((化)(名)()则)(非)(常)(聪)(明)(和)(理)(性)(。“我)(说)(话)(比)(较)(直)(接)(,有)(什)(么)(讲)(什)(么)(,他)(跟)(我)(谈)(恋)(爱)(的)(时)(候)(就)(说)(过)(,喜)(欢)(我)(直)(率)(,相)(处)(起)(来)(很)(舒)(服)(,不)(用)(猜)(。而)(我)(觉)(得)(他)(特)(别)(能)(包)(容)(我)(,可)(以)(一)(起)(踏)(实)(过)(日)(子)(。”
  婚)(后)(两)(人)(相)(处)(也)(很)(甜)(蜜)(,但)(孩)(子)(出)(生)(后)(,问)(题)(越)(来)(越)(多)(。
  以)(前)(觉)(得)(韩)(芳)(的)(性)(格)(可)(爱)(,婚)(后)(江)(新)(却)(越)(来)(越)(受)(不)(了)(,认)(为)(她)(情)(绪)(化)(太)(严)(重)(,他)(一)(个)(人)(就)(像)(要)(照)(顾)(两)(个)(孩)(子)(一)(样)(,生)(活)(太)(累)(。而)(韩)(芳)(不)(仅)(没)(学)(会)(照)(顾)(家)(庭)(,还)(经)(常)(闹)(脾)(气)(。看)(到)(别)(人)(家)(买)(了)(新)(车)(,也)(要)(求)(买)(;看)(到)(闺)(蜜)(买)(了)(新)(包)(,也)(伸)(手)(要)(。不)(堪)(重)(负)(,江)(新)(越)(来)(越)(不)(愿)(意)(回)(家)(,在)(外)(面)(工)(作)(的)(时)(间)(越)(来)(越)(长)(。
  赚)(的)(钱)(多)(了)(,生)(活)(富)(裕)(了)(,韩)(芳)(却)(没)(有)(高)(兴)(起)(来)(。
  “十)(天)(半)(个)(月)(见)(不)(到)(面)(很)(正)(常)(,有)(时)(候)(见)(到)(面)(了)(,除)(了)(问)(问)(儿)(子)(成)(绩)(,也)(没)(话)(说)(。”丈)(夫)(不)(在)(家)(,韩)(芳)(渐)(渐)(独)(立)(起)(来)(,把)(心)(思)(放)(在)(了)(照)(顾)(家)(庭)(上)(。“我)(全)(职)(在)(家)(,也)(没)(别)(的)(事)(情)(。儿)(子)(马)(上)(高)(考)(了)(,懒)(得)(离)(婚)(。”
  为)(啥)(不)(离)(婚)(,两)(人)(之)(间)(还)(有)(感)(情)(吗)(?韩)(芳)(说)(不)(出)(来)(。“离)(婚)(偶)(尔)(想)(过)(,以)(前)(吵)(得)(比)(较)(凶)(的)(时)(候)(,就)(觉)(得)(挺)(委)(屈)(的)(,干)(脆)(分)(了)(算)(了)(。后)(来)(他)(老)(不)(回)(家)(,也)(吵)(不)(起)(来)(。现)(在)(就)(是)(过)(日)(子)(,也)(没)(什)(么)(好)(不)(好)(的)(。”韩)(芳)(说)(,小)(孩)(子)(比)(较)(敏)(感)(,可)(能)(感)(觉)(到)(父)(母)(感)(情)(不)(太)(好)(,从)(小)(就)(比)(较)(内)(向)(,话)(不)(多)(。
  韩)(芳)(说)(,以)(后)(应)(该)(也)(不)(会)(离)(婚)(。“这)(么)(多)(年)(都)(过)(下)(来)(了)(,孩)(子)(都)(这)(么)(大)(了)(,我)(们)(之)(间)(也)(没)(什)(么)(大)(的)(矛)(盾)(,就)(这)(么)(过)(着)(吧)(。”而)(以)(前)(爱)(情)(里)(的)(风)(花)(雪)(月)(,最)(终)(变)(成)(了)(搭)(伙)(过)(日)(子)(的)(将)(就)(。
  2
  儿)(子)(总)(算)(快)(工)(作)(了)(,咱)(们)(还)(是)(下)(定)(决)(心)(离)(了)(吧)(
  结)(婚)(25年)(,却)(有)(20年)(都)(是)(“将)(就)(”,今)(年)(6月)(,45岁)(的)(张)(翔)((化)(名)()和)(44岁)(的)(王)(艳)((化)(名)()最)(终)(还)(是)(决)(定)(离)(婚)(,两)(人)(一)(起)(走)(进)(了)(婚)(姻)(登)(记)(处)(离)(婚)(登)(记)(室)(。
  都)(是)(快)(“奔)(五)(”的)(人)(了)(,一)(起)(走)(过)(了)(人)(生)(一)(半)(的)(日)(子)(,还)(有)(一)(个)(出)(色)(的)(儿)(子)(,为)(什)(么)(决)(定)(在)(这)(时)(候)(离)(婚)(呢)(?“还)(彼)(此)(一)(个)(自)(由)(。”张)(翔)(平)(时)(话)(不)(多)(,当)(他)(在)(婚)(姻)(登)(记)(处)(拿)(到)(新)(出)(炉)(的)(离)(婚)(证)(之)(后)(,不)(由)(得)(叹)(了)(一)(声)(。
  张)(翔)(和)(王)(艳)(都)(是)(徐)(州)(人)(,他)(们)(是)(大)(学)(同)(学)(,在)(南)(京)(相)(知)(相)(恋)(,当)(时)(是)(非)(常)(让)(人)(羡)(慕)(的)(一)(对)(。大)(学)(毕)(业)(后)(,两)(人)(都)(留)(在)(南)(京)(工)(作)(,张)(翔)(做)(了)(工)(程)(师)(,王)(艳)(则)(进)(了)(一)(所)(中)(学)(教)(思)(想)(政)(治)(。一)(年)(之)(后)(,两)(人)(在)(家)(人)(的)(催)(促)(下)(决)(定)(结)(婚)(。
  “当)(年)(,我)(们)(一)(起)(在)(南)(京)(奋)(斗)(,还)(要)(照)(顾)(孩)(子)(,什)(么)(苦)(都)(吃)(过)(。”王)(艳)(说)(起)(往)(事)(,眼)(眶)(不)(禁)(泛)(起)(了)(泪)(花)(。有)(了)(孩)(子)(之)(后)(,一)(家)(人)(挤)(在)(一)(个)(三)(十)(几)(平)(方)(米)(的)(小)(房)(子)(里)(,工)(资)(都)(不)(高)(,除)(了)(房)(租)(和)(日)(常)(开)(销)(,还)(要)(定)(期)(给)(老)(家)(的)(父)(母)(寄)(一)(些)(钱)(回)(去)(,每)(个)(月)(都)(捉)(襟)(见)(肘)(。“觉)(得)(辛)(苦)(的)(时)(候)(,我)(们)(会)(彼)(此)(诉)(说)(,相)(互)(安)(慰)(、相)(互)(支)(持)(。”为)(了)(改)(善)(生)(活)(,两)(人)(工)(作)(都)(很)(拼)(。不)(过)(,有)(时)(候)(忙)(着)(忙)(着)(,就)(会)(忘)(了)(照)(顾)(家)(里)(和)(对)(方)(的)(感)(受)(。
  不)(过)(,儿)(子)(3岁)(那)(年)(生)(了)(一)(场)(大)(病)(,正)(赶)(上)(张)(翔)(有)(一)(个)(大)(项)(目)(要)(做)(。王)(艳)(就)(一)(个)(人)(一)(边)(上)(班)(,一)(边)(照)(顾)(儿)(子)(。“他)(一)(回)(家)(倒)(头)(就)(睡)(,我)(还)(要)(学)(校)(、医)(院)(、家)(里)(几)(头)(奔)(波)(,需)(要)(有)(个)(人)(搭)(把)(手)(,几)(次)(打)(电)(话)(他)(都)(没)(接)(。我)(知)(道)(他)(忙)(,所)(以)(才)(没)(空)(顾)(家)(。可)(是)(当)(我)(一)(个)(人)(在)(医)(院)(,为)(儿)(子)(的)(病)(情)(急)(得)(掉)(眼)(泪)(的)(时)(候)(,还)(是)(忍)(不)(住)(会)(埋)(怨)(他)(。”后)(来)(,类)(似)(这)(样)(的)(情)(形)(,发)(生)(了)(不)(止)(一)(次)(两)(次)(,张)(翔)(一)(心)(扑)(在)(事)(业)(上)(,王)(艳)(觉)(得)(家)(庭)(的)(压)(力)(全)(都)(压)(在)(她)(一)(个)(人)(身)(上)(,常)(常)(一)(见)(到)(张)(翔)(就)(开)(始)(喋)(喋)(不)(休)(地)(诉)(苦)(、埋)(怨)(。而)(她)(的)(抱)(怨)(,常)(常)(都)(得)(不)(到)(回)(应)(,越)(来)(越)(寡)(言)(少)(语)(的)(张)(翔)(,每)(次)(都)(是)(以)(沉)(默)(应)(付)(,一)(回)(家)(就)(钻)(进)(书)(房)(,研)(究)(他)(的)(图)(纸)(。
  后)(来)(,家)(里)(的)(条)(件)(渐)(渐)(宽)(裕)(起)(来)(了)(,换)(了)(大)(房)(子)(,两)(人)(之)(间)(的)(话)(却)(越)(来)(越)(少)(。“我)(的)(工)(作)(压)(力)(也)(越)(来)(越)(大)(,而)(回)(家)(之)(后)(,还)(要)(为)(柴)(米)(油)(盐)(的)(琐)(事)(烦)(心)(。我)(们)(也)(渐)(渐)(有)(了)(各)(自)(的)(圈)(子)(,平)(时)(觉)(得)(和)(朋)(友)(们)(在)(一)(起)(更)(轻)(松)(。后)(来)(,我)(们)(之)(间)(越)(来)(越)(没)(有)(共)(同)(语)(言)(。有)(时)(候)(,我)(们)(在)(家)(一)(桌)(吃)(饭)(,都)(没)(有)(一)(句)(话)(。一)(旦)(有)(一)(个)(人)(开)(口)(,最)(后)(一)(定)(会)(一)(言)(不)(合)(,话)(不)(投)(机)(,尴)(尬)(收)(场)(。”
  “我)(们)(早)(就)(想)(离)(婚)(,之)(所)(以)(忍)(了)(这)(么)(久)(,一)(切)(都)(是)(为)(了)(孩)(子)(。”就)(这)(样)(又)(过)(了)(十)(年)(,终)(于)(等)(到)(孩)(子)(快)(大)(学)(毕)(业)(了)(,工)(作)(也)(确)(定)(下)(来)(了)(,两)(人)(终)(于)(下)(定)(决)(心)(协)(议)(离)(婚)(。“终)(于)(不)(用)(再)(忍)(了)(,我)(们)(的)(经)(济)(彼)(此)(都)(能)(独)(立)(,离)(开)(彼)(此)(,我)(们)(会)(生)(活)(得)(更)(好)(。”王)(艳)(这)(样)(说)(,张)(翔)(也)(点)(点)(头)(表)(示)(赞)(同)(。
  3
  分)(居)(多)(年)(后)(他)(病)(了)(
  她)(决)(定)(回)(去)(照)(顾)(他)(
  邋)(遢)(、暴)(躁)(、易)(怒)(、猜)(忌)(……在)(姜)(欣)((化)(名)()的)(眼)(里)(,一)(起)(生)(活)(28年)(的)(丈)(夫)(李)(强)((化)(名)(),身)(上)(有)(很)(多)(让)(她)(受)(不)(了)(的)(缺)(点)(。“我)(们)(之)(间)(几)(乎)(没)(有)(什)(么)(感)(情)(。”两)(人)(今)(年)(都)(52岁)(,当)(年)(是)(经)(过)(亲)(戚)(介)(绍)(结)(婚)(的)(。婚)(后)(一)(直)(感)(情)(不)(和)(,他)(们)(家)(吵)(架)(、打)(闹)(的)(动)(静)(常)(常)(很)(大)(,邻)(居)(们)(早)(就)(习)(惯)(了)(。姜)(欣)(说)(,李)(强)(还)(很)(爱)(喝)(酒)(,常)(常)(喝)(得)(酩)(酊)(大)(醉)(。
  姜)(欣)(说)(,之)(所)(以)(一)(直)(忍)(着)(过)(日)(子)(,是)(因)(为)(有)(太)(多)(的)(顾)(虑)(。一)(来)(,为)(了)(孩)(子)(和)(老)(人)(,“女)(儿)(太)(小)(,我)(担)(心)(我)(们)(离)(婚)(会)(给)(孩)(子)(造)(成)(心)(理)(阴)(影)(。后)(来)(女)(儿)(长)(大)(了)(,要)(找)(工)(作)(,还)(要)(恋)(爱)(结)(婚)(,一)(切)(都)(需)(要)(家)(里)(的)(支)(持)(,我)(就)(更)(加)(懒)(得)(折)(腾)(自)(己)(这)(档)(子)(事)(儿)(了)(。再)(加)(上)(我)(们)(双)(方)(的)(父)(母)(都)(上)(了)(年)(纪)(,身)(体)(又)(不)(好)(,要)(是)(知)(道)(我)(们)(闹)(离)(婚)(,肯)(定)(受)(不)(了)(。”二)(来)(,经)(济)(上)(分)(不)(开)(,“他)(有)(再)(多)(不)(是)(,这)(么)(多)(年)(,也)(都)(是)(他)(在)(赚)(钱)(养)(家)(,我)(早)(就)(下)(岗)(了)(,没)(有)(什)(么)(经)(济)(来)(源)(。”
  “想)(离)(婚)(,但)(离)(不)(了)(,我)(只)(能)(忍)(着)(。可)(是)(,却)(发)(现)(日)(子)(越)(来)(越)(难)(过)(下)(去)(。”姜)(欣)(说)(,女)(儿)(考)(上)(北)(京)(的)(一)(所)(大)(学)(以)(后)(,她)(觉)(得)(和)(丈)(夫)(两)(个)(人)(实)(在)(很)(难)(单)(独)(同)(处)(在)(一)(个)(屋)(檐)(下)(。后)(来)(,她)(的)(老)(父)(亲)(生)(病)(了)(,她)(为)(了)(方)(便)(照)(顾)(父)(亲)(,就)(搬)(回)(娘)(家)(住)(。就)(这)(样)(,终)(于)(熬)(到)(女)(儿)(结)(婚)(。去)(年)(,女)(儿)(怀)(孕)(了)(,姜)(欣)(就)(以)(照)(顾)(女)(儿)(为)(名)(,从)(家)(里)(搬)(了)(出)(来)(,从)(此)(跟)(着)(女)(儿)(过)(。
  姜)(欣)(在)(女)(儿)(家)(一)(住)(就)(是)(一)(年)(。其)(间)(李)(强)(也)(来)(看)(过)(女)(儿)(和)(刚)(出)(世)(的)(外)(孙)(,姜)(欣)(每)(次)(都)(假)(装)(出)(门)(买)(菜)(或)(是)(打)(牌)(,有)(意)(地)(避)(开)(他)(。
  今)(年)(春)(节)(前)(,李)(强)(被)(查)(出)(有)(高)(血)(压)(和)(轻)(微)(中)(风)(的)(症)(状)(。“女)(儿)(回)(去)(看)(他)(,回)(来)(和)(我)(说)(他)(一)(个)(人)(在)(家)(没)(人)(照)(顾)(,如)(果)(突)(然)(发)(病)(,都)(没)(人)(知)(道)(。我)(心)(里)(有)(些)(软)(了)(。”姜)(欣)(说)(,在)(女)(儿)(的)(劝)(说)(下)(,她)(终)(究)(还)(是)(于)(心)(不)(忍)(,就)(回)(家)(照)(顾)(丈)(夫)(。以)(前)(的)(嫌)(隙)(,不)(见)(了)(。
  原)(因)(
  中)(年)(夫)(妻)(亲)(密)(关)(系)(指)(数)(普)(遍)(较)(低)(
  一)(年)(一)(度)(的)(高)(考)(即)(将)(来)(临)(,很)(多)(夫)(妻)(也)(在)(盼)(望)(着)(,孩)(子)(考)(上)(了)(,他)(们)(也)(就)(解)(脱)(了)(。于)(是)(每)(年)(的)(7月)(份)(,婚)(姻)(登)(记)(处)(的)(离)(婚)(登)(记)(室)(门)(口)(经)(常)(出)(现)(排)(队)(的)(情)(况)(。与)(大)(多)(数)(离)(婚)(夫)(妻)(不)(同)(的)(是)(,中)(年)(夫)(妻)(办)(理)(离)(婚)(手)(续)(时)(,大)(多)(神)(情)(泰)(然)(。他)(们)(的)(潜)(台)(词)(是)(:孩)(子)(考)(上)(大)(学)(了)(,我)(们)(的)(任)(务)(也)(完)(成)(了)(,是)(“时)(候)(”离)(婚)(了)(。对)(他)(们)(而)(言)(,孩)(子)(考)(上)(大)(学)(是)(一)(个)(契)(机)(,事)(实)(上)(,他)(们)(的)(婚)(姻)(早)(已)(只)(剩)(下)(形)(式)(。
  南)(京)(市)(民)(政)(局)(有)(关)(负)(责)(人)(分)(析)(,现)(在)(女)(性)(对)(婚)(姻)(的)(质)(量)(越)(来)(越)(讲)(究)(,在)(经)(济)(上)(有)(自)(主)(权)(,35岁)(之)(前)(相)(对)(来)(说)(还)(是)(个)(比)(较)(年)(轻)(的)(年)(龄)(段)(,如)(果)(对)(婚)(姻)(不)(满)(意)(,她)(们)(也)(许)(就)(会)(选)(择)(及)(时)(抽)(身)(。至)(于)(男)(性)(,本)(身)(的)(初)(婚)(期)(和)(成)(熟)(期)(就)(比)(女)(性)(要)(迟)(些)(,等)(到)(各)(方)(面)(有)(成)(就)(之)(时)(往)(往)(快)(到)(40岁)(了)(,选)(择)(离)(婚)(的)(年)(龄)(会)(相)(应)(晚)(一)(些)(。
  再)(看)(原)(因)(,数)(据)(显)(示)(,填)(写)(“感)(情)(不)(和)(”的)(占)(了)(九)(成)(多)(,但)(还)(是)(有)(不)(少)(夫)(妻)(选)(择)(了)(其)(他)(项)(,排)(第)(一)(的)(是)(两)(地)(生)(活)(,其)(次)(是)(第)(三)(者)(插)(足)(、教)(育)(子)(女)(矛)(盾)(、家)(庭)(纠)(纷)(、经)(济)(困)(难)(、夫)(妻)(性)(生)(活)(不)(和)(谐)(、一)(方)(有)(不)(良)(生)(活)(习)(惯)(。
  此)(前)(曾)(有)(机)(构)(对)(中)(年)(夫)(妻)(亲)(密)(关)(系)(状)(况)(进)(行)(过)(大)(型)(网)(络)(调)(查)(。调)(查)(显)(示)(,中)(国)(内)(地)(中)(年)(夫)(妻)(缺)(乏)(日)(常)(情)(感)(交)(流)(,性)(生)(活)(质)(量)(较)(差)(,亲)(密)(关)(系)(指)(数)(普)(遍)(较)(低)(。具)(体)(来)(说)(,有)(45%的)(中)(年)(夫)(妻)(抱)(怨)(,夫)(妻)(俩)(因)(观)(点)(不)(协)(调)(或)(者)(严)(重)(分)(歧)(而)(影)(响)(亲)(密)(关)(系)(。即)(使)(进)(行)(了)(沟)(通)(,所)(谈)(内)(容)(也)(较)(少)(涉)(及)(情)(感)(生)(活)(,主)(要)(是)(“就)(事)(论)(事)(”,而)(非)(主)(动)(地)(进)(行)(情)(感)(沟)(通)(,也)(缺)(乏)(有)(效)(的)(“谈)(情)(”手)(段)(,以)(致)(“沟)(而)(不)(通)(”。夫)(妻)(沟)(通)(亲)(密)(度)(的)(下)(降)(主)(要)(集)(中)(在)(35岁)(-50岁)(之)(间)(的)(中)(年)(夫)(妻)(身)(上)(。最)(明)(显)(的)(是)(50岁)(以)(上)(的)(夫)(妻)(,单)(独)(在)(家)(时)(经)(常)(交)(流)(者)(还)(不)(到)(一)(半)(。近)(四)(分)(之)(一)(的)(人)(是)(各)(自)(做)(自)(己)(的)(事)(情)(,只)(是)(偶)(尔)(有)(交)(流)(或)(者)(完)(全)(没)(有)(交)(流)(。同)(时)(,交)(流)(程)(度)(随)(着)(年)(龄)(的)(增)(长)(而)(逐)(渐)(下)(降)(。二)(人)(在)(家)(独)(处)(时)(,只)(有)(41%的)(夫)(妻)(经)(常)(有)(亲)(密)(“小)(动)(作)(”。
  中)(年)(人)(的)(婚)(姻)(,不)(敏)(锐)(,不)(呼)(应)(,不)(对)(接)(。在)(爱)(与)(被)(爱)(之)(间)(,缺)(少)(爱)(情)(应)(有)(的)(本)(质)(。很)(多)(人)(认)(为)(这)(很)(正)(常)(,毕)(竟)(夫)(妻)(多)(年)(,不)(再)(有)(浪)(漫)(和)(细)(节)(了)(。可)(是)(一)(旦)(有)(了)(外)(界)(因)(素)(的)(刺)(激)(,这)(样)(脆)(弱)(的)(基)(础)(也)(就)(轰)(然)(倒)(塌)(了)(。
  当)(婚)(姻)(出)(现)(裂)(缝)(时)(,婚)(外)(情)(也)(就)(乘)(虚)(而)(入)(了)(。南)(京)(一)(家)(婚)(姻)(登)(记)(处)(负)(责)(人)(告)(诉)(记)(者)(,在)(探)(究)(中)(年)(婚)(姻)(危)(机)(的)(原)(因)(时)(,她)(发)(现)(婚)(外)(情)(至)(少)(占)(了)(一)(半)(。婚)(外)(情)(已)(经)(成)(为)(威)(胁)(中)(年)(婚)(姻)(的)(头)(号)(“杀)(手)(”。
  专)(家)(
  “懒)(得)(离)(婚)(”,更)(多)(是)(在)(压)(抑)(自)(己)(
  为)(什)(么)(人)(到)(中)(年)(,工)(作)(稳)(定)(了)(,孩)(子)(也)(大)(了)(,婚)(姻)(反)(而)(不)(牢)(固)(了)(呢)(?婚)(姻)(家)(庭)(咨)(询)(师)(邓)(小)(红)(表)(示)(,所)(有)(夫)(妻)(一)(开)(始)(进)(入)(婚)(姻)(都)(是)(因)(为)(爱)(情)(,早)(期)(很)(甜)(蜜)(,但)(到)(了)(中)(期)(,各)(种)(问)(题)(涌)(现)(,多)(数)(家)(庭)(婚)(姻)(生)(活)(维)(系)(只)(剩)(下)(责)(任)(。更)(多)(的)(中)(年)(夫)(妻)(家)(庭)(则)(以)(一)(种)(貌)(合)(神)(离)(的)(方)(式)(在)(维)(持)(。
  “每)(对)(夫)(妻)(热)(恋)(时)(,都)(觉)(得)(自)(己)(遇)(到)(了)(对)(的)(人)(,会)(在)(对)(方)(身)(上)(投)(射)(很)(多)(自)(己)(幻)(想)(的)(东)(西)(。但)(是)(生)(活)(久)(了)(,就)(会)(发)(现)(之)(前)(没)(有)(留)(意)(到)(的)(差)(异)(越)(来)(越)(明)(显)(,特)(别)(是)(孩)(子)(出)(生)(后)(,矛)(盾)(越)(来)(越)(多)(。这)(种)(差)(异)(怎)(么)(处)(理)(,就)(会)(导)(致)(婚)(姻)(家)(庭)(走)(向)(不)(同)(的)(地)(方)(。”邓)(小)(红)(表)(示)(,尤)(其)(是)(中)(年)(夫)(妻)(,上)(有)(老)(下)(有)(小)(,工)(作)(生)(活)(压)(力)(更)(大)(,在)(家)(庭)(内)(部)(的)(权)(利)(争)(夺)(中)(,冲)(突)(更)(明)(显)(。
  最)(常)(见)(的)(就)(是)(,小)(吵)(小)(闹)(过)(了)(一)(辈)(子)(。“这)(是)(家)(庭)(中)(最)(普)(遍)(的)(现)(象)(,持)(续)(争)(吵)(,吵)(过)(之)(后)(发)(现)(没)(用)(,两)(人)(进)(行)(冷)(战)(。然)(后)(一)(方)(软)(化)(讨)(好)(另)(一)(方)(,两)(人)(表)(面)(和)(好)(。之)(后)(又)(进)(入)(下)(一)(轮)(争)(吵)(阶)(段)(。”邓)(小)(红)(表)(示)(,这)(种)(争)(吵)(循)(环)(出)(发)(点)(都)(是)(好)(的)(,想)(要)(修)(复)(夫)(妻)(关)(系)(。
  最)(可)(怕)(的)(是)(,有)(了)(矛)(盾)(压)(抑)(自)(己)(。而)(这)(也)(是)(多)(数)(中)(年)(夫)(妻)(“懒)(得)(”离)(婚)(、也)(过)(得)(下)(去)(的)(原)(因)(。“很)(多)(夫)(妻)(到)(了)(中)(年)(,吵)(吵)(闹)(闹)(十)(多)(年)(,没)(办)(法)(面)(对)(彼)(此)(的)(差)(异)(,那)(他)(们)(就)(会)(消)(极)(对)(待)(两)(人)(之)(间)(的)(关)(系)(,懒)(得)(理)(对)(方)(,逃)(避)(对)(方)(,把)(自)(己)(的)(精)(力)(放)(到)(别)(的)(地)(方)(。”
  邓)(小)(红)(表)(示)(,她)(在)(调)(解)(过)(程)(中)(,经)(常)(碰)(到)(这)(样)(的)(情)(况)(:妻)(子)(对)(丈)(夫)(没)(有)(了)(期)(待)(,把)(所)(有)(精)(力)(放)(在)(教)(育)(孩)(子)(身)(上)(;而)(丈)(夫)(不)(想)(天)(天)(跟)(妻)(子)(争)(吵)(,就)(早)(出)(晚)(归)(专)(注)(于)(工)(作)(。“在)(我)(们)(看)(来)(,这)(就)(是)(精)(神)(出)(轨)(,因)(为)(夫)(妻)(之)(间)(没)(有)(了)(情)(感)(交)(流)(,不)(想)(面)(对)(彼)(此)(的)(关)(系)(,两)(人)(都)(在)(找)(别)(的)(东)(西)(弥)(补)(这)(方)(面)(的)(缺)(失)(。”
  而)(之)(所)(以)(不)(离)(婚)(,就)(是)(因)(为)(责)(任)(。邓)(小)(红)(表)(示)(,这)(也)(就)(是)(为)(什)(么)(很)(多)(中)(年)(夫)(妻)(会)(在)(子)(女)(升)(学)(考)(或)(者)(结)(婚)(后)(才)(离)(婚)(。“捆)(绑)(他)(们)(的)(责)(任)(没)(了)(,两)(人)(之)(间)(的)(问)(题)(会)(更)(加)(突)(出)(,索)(性)(就)(选)(择)(离)(婚)(。”不)(过)(,仍)(有)(大)(部)(分)(夫)(妻)(选)(择)(“凑)(合)(”过)(,虽)(然)(生)(活)(在)(一)(个)(屋)(檐)(下)(,但)(是)(分)(床)(睡)(,平)(时)(交)(流)(也)(不)(多)(,婚)(姻)(“名)(存)(实)(亡)(”。“两)(个)(人)(在)(一)(起)(生)(活)(了)(近)(20年)(,朋)(友)(亲)(戚)(、财)(产)(关)(系)(、房)(产)(都)(交)(织)(在)(一)(起)(,分)(不)(开)(。很)(多)(夫)(妻)(只)(有)(一)(套)(房)(产)(,离)(婚)(后)(,谁)(搬)(出)(去)(、住)(到)(哪)(儿)(去)(都)(是)(问)(题)(。”邓)(小)(红)(说)(。
  婚)(姻)(危)(机)(有)(时)(也)(是)(个)(“机)(会)(”,中)(年)(婚)(姻)(危)(机)(其)(实)(有)(两)(层)(含)(义)(:既)(是)(“危)(险)(”也)(是)(“机)(会)(”。处)(理)(得)(好)(,就)(是)(机)(会)(;处)(理)(不)(好)(,就)(是)(危)(险)(。邓)(小)(红)(认)(为)(,要)(过)(中)(年)(这)(道)(坎)(,面)(对)(感)(情)(问)(题)(,中)(年)(夫)(妻)(更)(需)(要)(沟)(通)(,缺)(乏)(沟)(通)(只)(会)(让)(两)(人)(陷)(入)(僵)(局)(。
  现)(代)(快)(报)(记)(者)(从)(南)(京)(市)(民)(政)(局)(了)(解)(到)(,今)(年)(前)(5个)(月)(,南)(京)(有)(18511对)(夫)(妻)(离)(婚)(,离)(婚)(总)(平)(均)(年)(龄)(是)(38.4岁)(,其)(中)(男)(性)(平)(均)(39.6岁)(,女)(性)(37.2岁)(。再)(看)(再)(婚)(平)(均)(年)(龄)(是)(40.9岁)(,其)(中)(男)(性)(平)(均)(41岁)(,女)(性)(平)(均)(40.8岁)(。如)(果)(与)(离)(婚)(年)(龄)(结)(合)(起)(来)(看)(,男)(性)(离)(了)(后)(,不)(到)(一)(年)(就)(再)(婚)(了)(,而)(女)(性)(则)(至)(少)(等)(上)(3年)(才)(能)(找)(到)(合)(适)(的)(再)(婚)(。从)(离)(婚)(统)(计)(数)(据)(表)(中)(,现)(代)(快)(报)(记)(者)(还)(发)(现)(一)(个)(现)(象)(,35岁)(前)(,登)(记)(离)(婚)(的)(以)(女)(性)(居)(多)(,其)(中)(20-24岁)(的)(离)(婚)(者)(中)(,女)(性)(比)(男)(性)(多)(229人)(;25-29岁)(的)(,女)(性)(比)(男)(性)(多)(1064人)(;30-34岁)(的)(,女)(性)(比)(男)(性)(多)(761人)(。可)(是)(一)(旦)(过)(了)(35岁)(后)(,登)(记)(离)(婚)(的)(以)(男)(性)(居)(多)(,其)(中)(35-39岁)(,男)(性)(比)(女)(性)(多)(193人)(;40-49岁)(,男)(性)(比)(女)(性)(多)(1022人)(;50-59岁)(,男)(性)(比)(女)(性)(多)(520人)(……
  婚)(姻)(危)(机)(其)(实)(有)(两)(层)(含)(义)(:既)(是)(“危)(险)(”也)(是)(“机)(会)(”。处)(理)(得)(好)(,就)(是)(机)(会)(;处)(理)(不)(好)(,就)(是)(危)(险)(。
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